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kakiokita
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Birthday: 11/22/1984
Expertise: sitting, indecision, starvation, procrastination, nonprofit-studenting. and yes, musn't forget the cynicism.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message me
AIM:  kakiokita
Member Since:
3/31/2003
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| today i looked at some pictures, unsure of how i'd react.
i am glad i did though.
it was like some internal revenant smiled softly to itself and let out a short contented sigh; finally allowing itself to die.
and then i found myself with a small smile letting it go.
i am grateful that the heart breaks and is mended.
i am grateful that people change even when memories don't.
i am grateful that i survived long enough to lay down my burdens.
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| The Spill Canvas is a music group of some kind. i'm not sure what their genre is, but i downloaded a pack of 3 or 4 of their albums so i could get copies of 3685 and The Tide. i like those two songs, although at times i feel like The Tide is too wordy. my itunes was going through the rest of their albums just now and their other songs are SO BAD that i had to make an entry about them. seriously, whoever writes their lyrics needs to be shot. not only are they way too wordy, but they're also pretty corny/cliche, and those two factors combine to make terrible music.
if you'd like a sample of this horror, please lookup "Black Dresses" and "The Night Will Go As Follows" on youtube or something. i'll link the lyrics here in case anyone needs to double check the absurdity that their ears can't quite believe they're hearing.
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/spillcanvas/blackdresses.html
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/spillcanvas/thenightwillgoasfollows.html
the lyrics on their own are bad enough. but when you hear them trying (in vain) to turn them into songs it gets worse.
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| lots of changes in my life recently. if you're someone who bothers reading this then you probably know what i'm referring to.
i think a lot of the changes stem from a series of small, but important, realizations.
at some point i finally really let go of the past.
and then i realized that i was free to move on, in any direction that i wanted.
i saw things that i had previously ignored or overlooked or rebelled against because of their ties to the past.
i chose to pursue them and i disappeared for a little while.
i'm happy. i think i deserve to be happy.
i'm sorry if you disagree with the previous statement, but that would be your problem and not mine.
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| sometimes i log on and look at my xanga 'footprints' just to see if anything interesting pops up. usually it's just a bunch of rss bots from foreign countries spamming my page, but sometimes it shows me anonymous users reading random older entries and i can't help wondering who they are and why they would read that stuff. maybe old friends or forgotten enemies? it might be fun to hear from you either way.
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| i typed up two more poems today, so i will share one of them here. i hope you like it. i did.
+Conscientious Objector
I shall die, but that is all I shall do for Death.
I hear him leading his horse out of the stall; I hear
the clatter on the barn-floor.
He is in haste; he has business in Cuba, business in
the Balkans, many calls to make this morning.
But I will not hold the bridle while he cinches the
girth.
And he may mount by himself; I will not give him
a leg up.
Though he flick my shoulders with his whip, I will
not tell him which way the fox ran.
With his hoof on my breast, I will not tell him
where the black boy hides in the swamp.
I shall die, but that is all that I shall do for Death;
I am not on his pay-roll.
I will not tell him the whereabouts of my friends
nor of my enemies either.
Though he promises me much, I will not map him
the route to any man's door.
Am I a spy in the land of the living, that I should
deliver men to Death?
Brother, the password and the plans of our city are
safe with me; never through me
Shall you be overcome.
-Edna St. Vincent Millay
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